Pylons Shovel Snow, Then Pucks, and Finish With a Win

Enoch, AB - The Edmonton Pylons battled snow, hangovers, and fruit flies, and came away from this weekend's games with a tie and a win. They currently sit atop the Rec A standings.

There is little need to dwell on Saturday's mismatch versus the Gladiators – suffice it to say that the game ended in a tie, but the Pylons, with a full bench, should have been the easy winners. The team was hampered by Lorilocks, who forgot her gloves, and had trouble finding a perfect fit – these ones are too big, these ones are too small, these ones are just right! Turns out Coach Cranky is a numbers' guy; he scribbled furiously in his notebook and reported the team's progress, or lack thereof, after each period. In the meantime, Coach Scarfy played good cop and suggested baby-steps, and the game ended with a very strong final two minutes during which the team were finally able to tell the difference between Willy and Snowdon. Somebody should get those girls proper orange jerseys. Just sayin'.

The line-up changed slightly Sunday with the loss of Doyle and Santarossa who chose to play for a different team – in the literal, not biblical, sense, don't get me wrong. Coach Not-So-Cranky, recognizing his oversight from the previous game, reminded his players of the three Ps – peeing, pushing cars, and pannies. Or pressure, passing, and patience – it depends on where you were sitting.

The Pylons scored early to take the lead, and the play rarely left the Ice Hawks' zone. However, what should have been another easy win for the Pylons turned out to be much more challenging. Despite hundreds (upon HUNDREDS) of shots, the Pylons could not get another puck past the Hawks' goalie. The job was complicated by the entire Ice Hawks team who would collapse like a Chilean mine around their net.

However, the Pylons' coaches wisely called a time out with about two minutes left in the game. The first line was sent out, with Murray, Willy, and Sadoway at forward, and Basnett and Ross on defence. Meanwhile, the second line – Fuller, plus whoever was standing closest to her – seethed with jealously and resentment and waited for a chance at redemption. The chosen ones dominated the play but could not capitalize, so with 19 seconds left, Fuller, Woywitka, and Anaka14 took to the ice. Smith and Anaka18 again sat down on the bench and were not at all relieved about it, if that's what you're thinking. Woywitka won the face-off, Rivalin kept it in somehow, and Fuller scored the game-winner but I'm not sure how because I was still sitting down drawing up plays with Smith. and Woywitka hugged and then everyone hugged.

The game had its highs and its lows. Both Pylons' goals originated from the blueline. Ross made the shot that resulted in the first goal, and Rivalin did the same for the winning goal. The shot count was up, giveaways were down, and no gear had to be exchanged on the bench. Coach Scarfy looked as debonair as ever, and Coach Not-So-Cranky was observed smiling and one player reported hearing him laugh. It was also suggested he get a night nanny once in a while, which we do not believe to be a euphemism for what you're thinking it is. Murray was also seen to be following the night nanny talk. There were cookies, beer, and no one got stuck in the parking lot, but no one is sure if Ross actually left the arena.

On the other hand, the fruit flies had mated unabashedly through the night. Smith was a little bit like Bambi, on ice, and was taken down when a bullet from Basnett hit her skate. A number of players hit posts instead of twine. Sadoway was unable to score in front of the hooligans who cheered her on from the stands. The Pylons were also distraught over the fact that Todd had decided to leave the team to pursue her new-found passion for cab driving.

Next game is Friday, January 14 at 9:15pm versus the Ice Gonads, and Rivalin is on deck for score-keeping duties. Until then, the team has arranged to have "Meals on Wheels" delivered to Annala.

In other news, the Pylons are trying to arrange a practice. We also hope to see you Thursday at Devaney's (link below) for Drinks with Doyle. Get there early if you want to have a coherent conversation with Anaka18 or Anaka14, unless you speak fluent Anakanese.

Devaney's Irish Pub, 9013 88 Avenue Northwest, Edmonton, AB

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Back to Basics this Friday November 12

Edmonton, AB - The Pylons return to the ice this Friday following a long layoff. They suffered their first loss of the season on Saturday, October 30, falling 4-1 to the Avalanche.

Apparently, it wasn't pretty. Rolph refused to play, and then couldn't bear to watch. She left the stands, covering her child's eyes, long before the final buzzer.

And it didn't smell pretty, either. Todd smelled faintly of Bombay Breeze. And owing to a grocery mishap, Smith and the Anakas smelled like feta. (Don't ask.)

Pylon veterans were more philosophical about the loss, being much more used to losing than they were to winning. However, there is no doubt that the team's earlier success left an impact. The newer Pylons were relieved to see that cookies were still distributed, but there was little question that losing cookies weren't near as sweet.

And speaking of losing cookies, it was also clear that Rivalin had yet to recover from the previous week's three-hour late-night trip through Edmonton, with a side trip, on foot, into the ditch off the Whitemud. Ross had yet to recover from, well, being Ross, although with a goal and a penalty she is clearly in the running for the next tournament MVP, regardless of whether or not the Pylons play a game.

The Pylons also seemed to suffer from a lack of focus on many levels. Anaka Jr, still refusing to wear contacts, repeatedly confused Ross with Todd, and Basnett or Annala with Sadoway, who was out of the country. You might think that a player who has been so often mistaken for another would be more circumspect. You'd be wrong. It was also noted that Basnett seemed distracted during the game; word was that the arrival of her sister, who is not exactly baby-sitter material, was imminent.

The game was important to Coach Wachter, who most certainly realized he may never stand on a Pylons bench feeling quite as rested as he was at that very moment. He was still heard to be favouring the name Pylonia Woywitka, however.

There were positives. Murray's secretary Turnell made sure Murray got to the game, despite Turnell's protests about her ineffectiveness in that role. P-LO kept it close, and Santarossa kept her point streak alive. And some creative line-juggling netted the Pylons a goal.

The team spent the two weeks between games reflecting on their first loss, and gradually began to look forward to the rematch, scheduled for November 27. Or at least, the party following the rematch. Did someone say tequila?

The Pylons will see you on the ice Friday night at Enoch, where they face the Kryptonite. They will remember the basics. The basics are the basics, and that's why they are the basics.

Pylons update and reminder -- game SUNDAY 7:45pm at ENOCH

Hi Pylons, here's the latest:

1. We ordered a few new jerseys but they won't be in until October 21. So, continue to bring a black jersey if you have one. I won't be playing the next two games (although I'll attend on Sunday), so #18 is up for grabs. After a quick look at last game's scoresheet, I think Suzanne should wear it (5 points) or Carly (3 points) since Kelly (4 points) and Sheen (3 points) already have jerseys.
2. If you come across an orange jersey of any kind, pack that as well. (I'll see what I can find in the meantime for orange ones, in case the other team has only black jerseys.)
3. Fees this year will be $400. Each home game costs us $415. This should give us a few extra dollars for practices and jerseys and other incidentals, but likely won't cover the cost of a tournament. You can bring a cheque made out to "Edmonton Pylons" to the next game, and cash is good too. You can pay in installments if you'd like.
4. Do you want to go to a tournament? Sometimes, we have fun (always). Sometimes, we win (once). Position of "Chief Tournament Officer" is up for grabs with Betty's departure to Calgary. (Mmmmm, much beer and many cookies.)
5. We are gathering gift baskets, toiletries, feminine products (including unused hotel shampoos, conditioners, soaps etc.) to donate to Edmonton womens' shelters. If you have any of these items to give away, bring them to the game. I will be collecting these items until the end of October. Thanks for your support!

See you Sunday.

#18

Chief Financial Officer
Edmonton Pylons

Heads Swivel at Tipton Try-Outs

Tipton Arena, EDMONTON -- If you wanted to see heads on a swivel, you should have been at Tipton Arena last night, where Christmas came early for the Edmonton Pylons and their disbelieving and dedicated coaches. A host of new recruits from the world of ringette joined the Pylons at their rare pre-season practice, and coaches Wachter and Clive could barely contain their glee as the new girls skated without waving their arms around for balance, and shot pucks without falling down.

Coach Wachter was typically patient and did his best to educate the new recruits, getting right down on the ice to ensure that the blue line was not in fact a speed bump or a raised impediment of any kind. He also encouraged them to shoot and skate as much as they'd like at all times every game very often please please please shoot the damn puck.

Meanwhile, following the warm-up and shooting horseshoe, current Pylons wondered if they were being punked, and huddled in small groups to wonder whether it was possible that these girls wanted to play Pylon hockey. The sole exception was goaltender P-Lo, who was seeking counselling from Coach Clive to address her recently-acquired shell-shock.

Founding mother and perennial team captain Sheenagh Woywitka was at her captainy best, surreptitiously juggling lines, remembering names and scoring the shootout winner to ensure her clearly superior team did not have to complete 2 hard laps.

Kelly Santarossa was also seen eyeing up the new recruits, as she had been hoping to replace past manager Aimie Doyle as the team's penalty-minute leader. She was dismayed to hear that Doyle would be returning to play some games in January, fearing that pesky #9 could make up any deficit faster than Santarossa could find brand new CooperAlls ®.

The mood in the dressing room following the practice was positive. Cookies were shared, the lack of beer mourned, and while the Pylons' coaches were absolutely giddy at the thought of having endless line options – or at having options at all – the newly amassed teammates were busy sharing worm stories and considering the possibility of a bright future on the boat-race circuit. Among those who couldn’t be happier were Kate Smith, who passed on the water bottles and pucks to the new recruits. Current Pylons seconded Smith's enthusiasm - they had never been able to develop a taste for Aussie water. "It just kept going down the wrong way, mate" said veteran defenceman Lynne Stephenson.

CEO and founding mother Lori Anaka was relieved at the turnout, to say the least, having visualized 36 new players, after 4 different women told her they would be bringing 8 players to the team's try-outs. Team cutie-pie Stacy Rivalin, sporting sassy new bangs, was just happy to have try-outs, observing, "normally it's just us 'try-hards' and they seem really nice and do you really like my new bangs?"

Team CFO and founding mother Leah Anaka also expressed her approval with the new team members, observing, "… we always thought those kinds of girls who could skate and shoot would be total bitches. Seems we were wrong. [Team all-star] Heather Murray isn't here, right? Don't tell her I said that!"

The Pylons' immediate plans are scaring the shit out of the Fur Traders this coming Monday, filling the beer cooler, and signing Baby Wachter up for ringette. Long-term goals include badgering the new girls to find sponsors so the Pylons can replace their orange, 12-year-old practice jerseys, as a special favour for Coach Clive.

Our Story

Your Edmonton Pylons were founded in 1997 when a league administrator unknowingly matched two groups of like-minded but unacquainted aspiring hockey players.

We held tryouts. Those who could skate found better teams to play on. Those who couldn’t stuck around for a winless season; over 24 games we were outscored 282 to 8. We finished dead last in the lowest division of the Northern Alberta Female Hockey Association.

We learned to skate, and to stop, and eventually, to score. Some years we’ve had more goalies than we’ve had goals.

Once a Pylon, always a Pylon. Pylons rarely quit, and we simply don’t make cuts. Seven founding mothers still play today. We are siblings, in-laws, best friends, coworkers. Lawyers, police officers, nurses, and veterinarians. Teammates.

Hockey has taken us to places we thought we’d never go, like Beiseker and Warburg.

And to some places we thought we’d never stay: Thorhild’s Corona Inn and Tavern. The Golden West Motor Inn in Carstairs.

The league has expanded to five divisions, and the Pylons currently hover around the middle of Division Three. We skate backwards. Some of us take slapshots, and we eat cookies after every game.

Build your self-esteem, and come out and watch us play.