Heads Swivel at Tipton Try-Outs

Tipton Arena, EDMONTON -- If you wanted to see heads on a swivel, you should have been at Tipton Arena last night, where Christmas came early for the Edmonton Pylons and their disbelieving and dedicated coaches. A host of new recruits from the world of ringette joined the Pylons at their rare pre-season practice, and coaches Wachter and Clive could barely contain their glee as the new girls skated without waving their arms around for balance, and shot pucks without falling down.

Coach Wachter was typically patient and did his best to educate the new recruits, getting right down on the ice to ensure that the blue line was not in fact a speed bump or a raised impediment of any kind. He also encouraged them to shoot and skate as much as they'd like at all times every game very often please please please shoot the damn puck.

Meanwhile, following the warm-up and shooting horseshoe, current Pylons wondered if they were being punked, and huddled in small groups to wonder whether it was possible that these girls wanted to play Pylon hockey. The sole exception was goaltender P-Lo, who was seeking counselling from Coach Clive to address her recently-acquired shell-shock.

Founding mother and perennial team captain Sheenagh Woywitka was at her captainy best, surreptitiously juggling lines, remembering names and scoring the shootout winner to ensure her clearly superior team did not have to complete 2 hard laps.

Kelly Santarossa was also seen eyeing up the new recruits, as she had been hoping to replace past manager Aimie Doyle as the team's penalty-minute leader. She was dismayed to hear that Doyle would be returning to play some games in January, fearing that pesky #9 could make up any deficit faster than Santarossa could find brand new CooperAlls ®.

The mood in the dressing room following the practice was positive. Cookies were shared, the lack of beer mourned, and while the Pylons' coaches were absolutely giddy at the thought of having endless line options – or at having options at all – the newly amassed teammates were busy sharing worm stories and considering the possibility of a bright future on the boat-race circuit. Among those who couldn’t be happier were Kate Smith, who passed on the water bottles and pucks to the new recruits. Current Pylons seconded Smith's enthusiasm - they had never been able to develop a taste for Aussie water. "It just kept going down the wrong way, mate" said veteran defenceman Lynne Stephenson.

CEO and founding mother Lori Anaka was relieved at the turnout, to say the least, having visualized 36 new players, after 4 different women told her they would be bringing 8 players to the team's try-outs. Team cutie-pie Stacy Rivalin, sporting sassy new bangs, was just happy to have try-outs, observing, "normally it's just us 'try-hards' and they seem really nice and do you really like my new bangs?"

Team CFO and founding mother Leah Anaka also expressed her approval with the new team members, observing, "… we always thought those kinds of girls who could skate and shoot would be total bitches. Seems we were wrong. [Team all-star] Heather Murray isn't here, right? Don't tell her I said that!"

The Pylons' immediate plans are scaring the shit out of the Fur Traders this coming Monday, filling the beer cooler, and signing Baby Wachter up for ringette. Long-term goals include badgering the new girls to find sponsors so the Pylons can replace their orange, 12-year-old practice jerseys, as a special favour for Coach Clive.